Any way to talk family out of buying gifts?

[YellowDragon]

Every year it has gotten worse. Several people in my family complain about not having money for gifts and go on and on about it. I honestly don't care to even participate at this point but I am obligated. I want to just find a way to have them all agree to not do gifts for Christmas next year but I have tried in the past and my mother would get so angry at me yet she is one of the biggest complainers every year. I would much rather just do away with the gift thing or make it so we just do a secret santa thing and everyone just spends a set amount of money and is done with it.

How can I talk my family into this? I wanna bring it up on Christmas Eve. 

[tmcom]

5 hours ago, YellowDragon said:

Every year it has gotten worse. Several people in my family complain about not having money for gifts and go on and on about it. I honestly don't care to even participate at this point but I am obligated. I want to just find a way to have them all agree to not do gifts for Christmas next year but I have tried in the past and my mother would get so angry at me yet she is one of the biggest complainers every year. I would much rather just do away with the gift thing or make it so we just do a secret santa thing and everyone just spends a set amount of money and is done with it.

How can I talk my family into this? I wanna bring it up on Christmas Eve. 

I would ask for vouchers and or cash only with a card, (a card makes it distinctive and the voucher is just swapping similar monetary values)!

[Truthseeker1]

On 12/15/2023 at 10:00 PM, YellowDragon said:

Every year it has gotten worse. Several people in my family complain about not having money for gifts and go on and on about it. I honestly don't care to even participate at this point but I am obligated. I want to just find a way to have them all agree to not do gifts for Christmas next year but I have tried in the past and my mother would get so angry at me yet she is one of the biggest complainers every year. I would much rather just do away with the gift thing or make it so we just do a secret santa thing and everyone just spends a set amount of money and is done with it.

How can I talk my family into this? I wanna bring it up on Christmas Eve. 

I tried something like this once and most did not like it. 

Now as we are older I think some also now agree as we live further apart.

I always advocated presents for the kids yet now are mid teens who only want to spend money on what they want, I used to buy them gift cards yet now give cash and put it in a little card. This way they can spend it where they like and our shopping centre that sold gift cards has a lot of undesirables at certain times.  So at least they can spend it where they choose.

I only buy for my Dad (Mum passed on) and brother with the caveat if he tells me what books he wants yet normally leaves it too late, so for him normally an  Amazon gift card,

[Cosmic]

I think presents should mainly be for kids and couples (exchanging with each other).

That being said, if you bring this up you will likely start a fight. I tried in 2019 I think it was and I kept telling my family I didn't want anything and I am not doing gifts that year and a bunch of them got super mad at me so I ended having to buy everything last minute and was struggling to pay bills for the several months that followed. I like Christmas. I like the family stuff. I like having a family dinner. I just hate the gifts. Everyone is selfish and greedy about it.

[YellowDragon]

So my mother actually suggested something out of the blue.

She called me and said how about next year we do secret santa so everyone just spends $50 on one gift and is done with it... But all us "kids" still get her and my dad gifts. So basically the reverse of Christmas where normally kids get the most, they would. Seems a bit greedy and a way for her to get out of spending money herself while still getting all the gifts. It is a step in the right direction though I spose. 

[chrysostom]

I just stopped buying gifts and get a lot of grief for it. No problem. I still receive them and give thanks. It is all you can do. You have let them do it. Especially your wife. 

[YellowDragon]

It does seem to be more of an issue for the women than the men in the family... Maybe gift giving can be for the hens then? haha

I can't say that though, I would be roasted over an open fire with my nuts cracked. 

[Truthseeker1]

I have an aunt that always sends charity gift cards to benefit the poor overseas, she married well so has no money worries.

I just say thanks, though last year I just got the envelope as someone I guess on the post opened it...........

 

[JRexx]

I think most families have people that complain but if you suggest no gifts, they get angry. Makes no sense! Like this year someone in my family just randomly decided to say today they had no money to buy gifts but they had money for tattoos and eating out 4 days a week. Just going to tell them not to worry about gifts with me so they can save money and I will do the same. 

[britanica]

I feel like gifts should be for spouses, couples, and kids. Maybe that is just me though. A lot of people have been having money troubles and it makes no sense to force everyone to spend money especially if they agree they don't want or need gifts.